In todays society we see new people almost everyday. We see new friend suggestions on our social media sites. We drive by people on our way to work /school and yet out of those I don’t know 10 people we see we don’t stop and say, “Hello”. We simply just move on with our day to day routine. Now let me ask you, why is that? Why are we hesitate to welcome new people into our life? I am going to take a wild guess and say fear of rejection. Maybe not for all but for most of us including myself, I am constantly in question of meeting new people because I am afraid of getting brushed to the side. One of my many flaws I’m unable to conquer.. so I thought… Two weeks ago I finished a book called Uninvited, living loved when you feel less than, left out and lonely within one week! Many of you aren’t aware but I’ve never been fond of reading. (Sorry mom I pretty much lied on all my reading logs growing up.) These days the most reading I do is scrolling down my social media feed or insurance breakdowns when I am working. So for me to pick up this book and finish it in less than 5 days is definitely a job well done and huge pat on the back. In light of that information I wanted to share with y’all what I learned about feeling rejected. My story starts way back when I was a little girl. I was my mom and dads first little one. Their relationship don’t work out shortly after I was born so they separated. My mother got married and had another little one and my father met someone else and had three little ones. Growing up I stayed mostly with my mother but occasionally I would go and spend the weekend with my father. The huge difference between each parents was the way each one made me feel. With my mother I always felt at home, like being with her is were I belonged. With my father I felt like I had to compete for his time and with everything else in his life. Being a child raised to compete I quickly learned rejection. By the time I was 14 I told my mother how left out by his lack of love and connection for me. Thats when I first understood rejection. Its been some time since I last spoke to my father but the feeling has never really gone away. As I read Uninvited I came to realize a few things;
1. I’ve dwelled on this feeling of rejection for over 9 years and it has only affected my potential to create new relationships.
2. I am continuing to think rejection is my fault and it’s not.
3. That with Jesus, I’m forever safe. I’m forever accepted. I’m forever held. Completely loved and always invited in.
Not only did this book help me understand my past rejections it has helped me pull through this current rejection. Lysa states “The voices of condemnation, shame, and rejection can come at you, but they don’t have to reside in you.” She couldn’t be more right. Just because someone has their own opinion about you doesn’t make it the truth. Just because someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean the next person won’t want to become best friends with you. We don’t need to let the rejection consume our thoughts because then it will ultimately control us. And at that point the devil wins. But we all know the truth.. “The lord is our shepherd, we lack nothing. He makes us lie down in green pastures, he leads us beside quiet waters, he refreshes our soul. He guides us along the right path for his names’ sake. Even though we walk through the darker valley we will fear no evil, for he is with us.” We can always change our bad habits and next time you start to feel rejected think about how much God loves you and how when we put our faith in him nothing can defeat us.
December is my all time favorite month of the year. We get to celebrate Jesus birthday, learn who’s been a naughty or nice, and spend time with our loved ones. Holidays are all about traditions and this year daddysmith and I wanted to create a new one with our boys. We have decided to participate doing Elf on the Shelf. For those who don’t know, Elf on the Shelf is an Elf who comes down from the North Pole, observes who’s being naughty or nice and reports back to Santa every night. There are two main rules when it comes to the Elf on the Shelf. First, the elf is to be moved to a different spot in your house every night while your children are asleep so you can create the illusion that every night, the elf is traveling back to the North Pole to report back to Santa about how well your kids behaved that day. Second, you need to make sure your children never touch the elf, or else he’ll lose his “magic.” Sounds easy enough right? Right! Our Elf arrived to the Smith household on December 1 with a book and popcorn to celebrate his arrival. Both smithboys were so excited and very anxious for daddysmith to read the book he brought.
At the end of the book, it asked us to name our Elf. While smithboy#1 was naming all crazy things and smithboy#2 just repeating what his brother was saying I decided to name the Elf James. For those who know my family, James is my grandfathers name so I thought it was fitting. Day two was upon us and when the boys woke up they found Elf James was back from visiting Santa.
He was hiding in our Christmas tree! When smithboy#1 found him he jumped and said “woah mom he scared me, I hope he told Santa Kashy and I were good.” The day went by and night time was here. The boys were being too rambunctious at bed time. They decided they weren’t going to listen to daddysmith and I.. and were going to play all night. So when the next morning hit and they went looking for Elf James they found him on top of their pirate tent in their room.
Smithboy#1 said he thinks Elf James moved to his tent last night because him and his brother weren’t listening and he wanted them to know he told Santa. I couldn’t help but smile and say yes buddy you’re absolutely right, laughed and walked away. Y’all my son figured out exactly what I was thinking when I put the elf on the tent. Three days into December and Elf James has not only taught my oldest a lesson but me included. He has taught me to never underestimated the mind of a five year old.
Many of you know that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a time to spend with family, friends and give thanks to God for all our blessings. This time was extra special for the boys and I. We were able to have smithboy#1 for TEN ENTIRE DAYS! Yes y’all heard that right, for ten days he was with us having fun, making memories and getting that one on one time with daddysmith and I. Having him with us for those many days was absolutely perfect. He was able to spend time with the whole family. He stayed with granny and grandpa one night and had his Aunt Dee Dee come watch him during the day while daddysmith and I were at work. Smithboy#2 was extra happy because that meant him and his brother were able to stay up late playing men in their bedroom instead of sleeping. Only being a few days into my break I couldn’t help but really stop and appreciate everything I have. From a beautiful life to a healthy loving home, I am very grateful. This year daddysmith, the boys and I had three dinners to attend. Our first stop was my Nanas and just like every year it started at Noon. We ate, we laughed, we had a family photoshoot and played baseball in the front yard.
Next stop was granny’s! She definitely had a full house, with Aunt DeeDee, baby M, Uncle Batman (yes our smithboys call their uncle.. Batman) Nae Nae, Nanny, ReShawn, Preston, the smith boys, daddysmith, myself and a couple of granny’s friends. ReShawn brought over a FRIED TURKEY and it was absolutely DELICIOUS!! We had so much fun eating and playing on the playground we forgot to take pictures. Time goes by fast when you’re having fun. Our final stop on thanksgiving was the Smiths. Daddysmith and I loaded up the boys and took a nice drive up to lake Travis. We spent our night with Memesmith, Uncle Mike, Aunt Holly, their friends, Danielle, Nick, Aunt DeeDee, and Uncle Batman. With the smithboys being center of attention, I can happily say everyone was well entertained. As we were heading home daddysmith and I reflected on the busy day we just endured. Feeling thankful of course but also extremely full. Have three thanksgiving dinners really took its number on us. I should’ve done what my sister-n-law did and walk a mile to get coffee and eat pie for breakfast. But then again she is 7 months pregnant and has an excellent excuse to eat pie for breakfast. After thanksgiving day also known as black Friday we had my mom, sister and Preston over while daddysmith was at work. Daddysmith and I don’t participate in black Friday due to the history and more so he thinks its pretty ridiculous to fight and run over each other over materialist things you were SO thankful for a couple of hours ago. BUT to each his own… Back to having all three boys together and let me just say those boys are really something.. loud, crazy, messy, BOYS!
Between dumping all the LEGO’s on the floor, play fighting, pulling every toy from the boys room to the living room and racing Nae Nae outside these boys had a blast. Sometimes letting boys be boys is the only way to stay sane. With my night and break coming to an end I can’t help but to feel loved. Loved by all my family and friends but more importantly God himself. His heart and grace is truly remarkable. He is who I’m most thankful for. Not only am I thankful for him but all his love that he shares with you and I. I hope y’all had a wonderful thanksgiving and hopefully not in a food coma like daddysmith and I!
October 26, 2017 daddysmith and I officially tied the knot. After being engaged for over a year and not being able to make up our minds with planning a wedding reception, we decided to elope. We took a drive up to bee caves with our smithboys and said the famous words “I do!” at Star Hill Ranch. The entire ceremony lasted all of ten minutes but it was magical.
I couldn’t be more blessed and thankful to be marrried to the man of my dreams and the father of my children. I thank the man upstairs everyday for putting daddysmith into my life. He makes me smile. He lifts me up. He believes in me. He calms me down when I’m feeling frantic. He shows me what patience is all about. Most of all he shows me how to LOVE unconditionally. October 26, 2017 marked the first day of the rest of our life’s together & my heart couldn’t be more filled with joy. Thank you for loving me everyday and everyday to come daddysmith.
“and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
I wrote you a letter because one you wouldn’t understand right now and two you wouldn’t sit still to listen to me. but once you get older you’ll be able to read all the things mommy post about you. So here it is..
As I carried you for 8 months and pushed you into this world I couldn’t help but feel a magical connection with you the day I found out you were in my belly. You were a surprise to say the least but daddy and I are so thankful God had blessed us with you. As you continue to grow my favorite thing is to see the unconditional love you have for daddy, your brother and I. The way you scream my name when you see me and just run to me laughing. How you snuggle so tightly and closely with me when we go to bed. When you climb up me like a money in a tree and say I got you mommy. The way you love on your daddy when he gets home from work. & how you are always so concerned when daddy leave to walk simba. How you lay in bed in the mornings cuddled with daddy and always suckering him into watching paw patrol. The way you try so hard to be just like your brother or try to impress him. How you look up to him and try to do everything he does. How y’all both rather sleep with each other than alone in your own beds. You’ve grown into a little man who loves to play outside. Who enjoys taking baths and will take them three times a day if you could. I’m pretty sure you get that from daddy. You continue to amaze me with how smart you’ve become. You can count to three and can name two colors red and blue. You know about five different animals and love telling us when you can see the moon. You’re favorite color is blue and favorite snacks are chips and goldfish. Please never stop being brave and a respectful little boy. You will forever be my little baby and I will always be your mama. I hope you have the best day birthday and always remember mommy loves you. Happy birthday little man.
The church my boys and I attended had a sermon series a few months ago about Killing Giants Before They Kill You. Within the series I found one that hit really close to home. It was the giant of good intentions. Now, I will be the first to admit when I try to do something positive it comes out negative. I will also be the first to admit when I feel in my heart I am right about a situation I will not hesitate to back down. We all have good intentions, some intentions fail while other exceed our highest expectation. Yet we still continue to live our life like we are benefiting from helping others. As in “I thought that was a good idea too (insert good intentions here)”. So when I heard the sermon The Giant of Good Intentions for the first time I immediately thought oh my stars Pastor Tim is talking directly to me. Of course there were like 100 more people in the room but I felt like that Sunday God was showing me the steps I need to take. Giving myself not only insight about my direction but the guidance I need to over come this giant. Here we are a few months later and as I was cleaning out my car I found the notes I took that very day. Reading;
Don’t assume good intentions make you untouchable
When it comes to obedience, sweat the small stuff
GET CAUGHT UP IN GOD’S BIGGER STORY
Apparently I needed a little reminder of the sermon these days because I am in sticky situation right now. I have gone above and beyond for someone for a couple of years and so far my intentions have only backfired. People move on and they try to see the positive in every situation..right? NOPE! Not when it comes to my problem, seeing it has only gotten worse. Rereading my notes as well as going back and listening to the Paster talk about good intentions only lead me to reevaluate the out come of the last few “good intentions” I had. Well here goes nothing…
I participated in being smithboy#1 soccer coach with my husbands ex and at the time I thought hey this would be great co-parenting for us! (feeling untouchable)
I put in all the effort when the others didn’t and I was still receiving the short end of the stick. (not sweating the small stuff)
Lastly I was so caught up in the direction I wanted to go yet I wasn’t fully thinking of Gods intentions, and his story for me. How in life everything happens for a reason, and its all based on God plan for us. We might at times don’t see it or even want to acknowledge it but the plan is there. The Lord is there waiting for us. To help us pick up the missing pieces of our life. After all he doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but to have faith in him. Because without faith were would we be?
19 days into October and I have yet to have a pumpkin spice latte, decorate inside our house for Halloween, eat pumpkin bread or even carve a pumpkin for that matter. So today at lunch I saw a huge pumpkin cookie and thought yes I need that. But to be honest I feel like anytime I step into Randals or Target I turn into a implusive buyer. I start going crazy with putting stuff in my cart that I DO NOT need. One day I bought 10 cookie cups. Who in the world buys 10 cookie cups? Yeah.. this girl… anywho like I was saying, this year we weren’t really feeling the holiday spirit. Therefore I had a great reason to buy the cookie. Right? Once the smithboys were finished with their dinner they were allowed to start decorating. Since I’m a RDA I rarely let my boys have tons of sugar so the smithboys were extra grateful. As we all sat around the table I noticed something a little different with each boy. Daddysmith was not thinking about work or bills just feeling completely stress free. Smithboy#1 was happy to be involved with making a dessert for the family. Smithboy#2 was over the moon his brother was showing him how to decorate for the first time. Watching all three of my smiths feeling joy and happiness made myself feel whole. God truly works in mysterious ways. Tonight I think he showed my family that even sitting down and decorating a pumpkin cookie for a few moments makes all the difference. We get caught up with our everyday life’s that we don’t stop and appreciate the small things. So next time you’re at HEB, Target, or Randals stop and pick up a little something for your family or partner. You never know what it might do for you or for them.
Ps. The cookie had so much artificial sugar we only took like two bites. But hey it was the memory we created with one another that matters the most.
Many parents know it’s hard to get alone time when you have kiddos. Parents that have children who play sports know all to well it’s harder to go out with your wife or husband. Our weekends have been super crazy since smithboy#1 started soccer, daddysmith works Friday and Saturdays, along with smithboy#2 being a very active toddler. Like I said before our weekends are crazy, but this weekend was a tad different. Friday was my office party at Main Event so nanny (my mama) came over to watch the boys. Daddysmith got off work early and met me there around 7. The party was from 6-10 with bbq buffet, unlimited drinks, (open bar, thanks chels) bowling, laser tag, and a $25 play card.
I wasn’t the best bowler but I did beat my boss and daddysmith in laser tag. As we were going home we both mentioned how great it was to go out for a couple of hours and be partners not parents. It’s hard for us because most of our friends don’t have kids so they can’t really relate. We definitely go out and socialize but to sports events, HCBC Sunday school or parks. LOL. Anyway, we came home thanked my mama for watching the smithboys and planned out our Saturday since daddysmith was going to work and smithboy#1 had soccer. Tomorrow rolls around I am getting the boys ready for the soccer game when daddysmith calls me and says he won tickets to the UT game playing rock paper scissors. LIKE WTH? Who wins UT football tickets and parking pass playing that game… well my husband thats who. We were debating about even going because we went out the night before and really didn’t want to leave our boys again. On the other hand we were both in shock and never gone to a UT game with one another. What to do?What to do? It just so happens Granny (daddysmiths mama) was back into town and would be delighted to help us out and watch the boys. Those were her exact words btw. With the smithboys picked up and the tickets in our hands, daddysmith and I were on our way to the game. We went, we saw, we fell in love with each other all over again.
If you didn’t see the game you definitely missed out. Double overtime y’all! UT beat Kansas State 40-34!! As we were walking back to the car daddysmith and I couldn’t stop laughing and giving each other smooches. We kept talking about how blessed we were to have one another not just as partners but best friends, and how lucky we were to spend this quality time together. Main Event and the UT game put a little sparkle back into our relationship. Time flies and as adults we rarely stop and enjoy the moments we have with our special someone. I challenge you to leave your kids or fur babies with the grandparents, and take your lover out on a date. Go to the movies, dinner, or even just to get some ice cream. I promise they will 1. Be thrilled to get away for five minutes with you. 2. Be happy you thought of them. 3. You’ll definitely get some kuddo points which always come in handy on a rainy day.
5 weeks, 5 practices, 5 games, and my #5 is killin’ it! Smithboy#1 has made 5 goals since he started soccer a few weeks ago & daddysmith and I couldn’t be more proud. Playing a new sport is always challenging when you first start and maybe even more difficult when your mom who has never played or coached soccer is the teams coach. He is truly enjoying the sport and developing more of passion for it. Before every game he tells us how many goals he wants to make. (Its always five considering thats how old he is and thats his FAVORITE number.) After every game he tells us how many goals he actually made through out the game. Two weeks ago he was upset with himself because he set the goal to make 5 goals as usual but only made two. He got down on himself because us Smiths like the Talladega Nights phrase “If you ain’t first, your last!”. BUT daddysmith has taught the boys, including myself a little something grandpasmith taught him.. “Whenever we don’t succeed, we get up and try harder.” Like I said smithboy#1 was feeling a little bit down in the dumps so daddysmith told him it’s okay buddy but what are we going to do next game? & smithboy#1 said TRY HARDER NEXT TIME!
With the support of daddysmith, smithboy#2 and myself he knew he could conquer anything he put his mind too. One thing I love about my family is the support we have for one another. I grew up playing all different sports as well as my sister and cousins. When I got older I stopped playing but my mom would still take us to every softball and baseball tourney my sister and cousins had. Now that I am older with children of my own I can’t wait to run around taking both smithboy#1 and smithboy#2 to their soccer/baseball/football games as well as going to my little nieces games. Our family might take up a full section at the soccer fields but hey we will do anything to cheer for #5 on Saturday mornings.
Let me start this post off with.. MOVING SUCKS! If you haven’t had a bad experience moving I am calling you a blessed lair. Now lets began..
The first time I moved was out of my mother’s house because I just turned 18 and knew it all but hats another story for another day. Back to moving.. I had a dresser, bed, plus all my clothes and shoes etc. Nothing to crazy, just the things a teenager would have in their room and what soley my mom would let me have considering she bought everything I was taking with me. The move wasn’t bad because my cousin Jesse and his friend helped me move. The only negative thing I can say about move number one was they were late and took their sweet ass time. My second move was easier as well. I think the only reason I can say it went smoothly is because I was 8 months pregnant and nesting. I packed the entire one bedroom apartment up in one day. We hired these two gentleman who daddysmith knew to help us with the move. They came, they moved, and they made me one happy mama. The following day we moved I had unpacked the ENTIRE house. Like I previously said I was 8 months pregnant and nesting. Mamas you’ll know exactly what I’m talkin about. (Btw that was my favorite move.) So here we are at my most recent move.. 2 adults, 2 kiddos and 1 pup later we had a bunch of junk I mean stuff. I am working full time, while maintaining being a soccer mom and coach, also a full time mama and wife so I was slowly packing up the house. Daddysimith hired a moving company this time the day before our move to help us out. This is when the as my mom would say it “shit hit the fan”. They were scheduled to come between 1-2 Sunday afternoon. When 2 o’clock arrived and no moving company daddysmith called and they said they were running late and would be here around 7-8. Considering both smithboys go to bed at the very latest 9 I was furious. Along with the movers dilemma, AT&T was all messed up and we didn’t have our internet or cable connected. 7:30 rolls around and we get a very unpleasant phone call.. The moving company was still in Kyle (a hour away) and would able to move us closer to 9-10 PM. Y’all at this point I was just at a loss for words. Thank goodness for my husband and his friend Taylor because with out them I would’ve been losing my freaking mind and going off on the drivers. Taylor and daddysmith brought over our mattress, smithboy#2 crib, along with some random boxes so we could stay at our new place. I didn’t mention the random boxes to them because they were just trying to help. Daddysmith called another company who was there to rescue us the following morning. They started @ 8:15 and ended @ 11:15. As of now we are a few days into our new place and I have yet to finish unpacking. No excuse as to why just want everything in a particularly place. House is still a little messy but we will due. We are just happy the move is over and we can enjoy our new place as a family.